Dating apps, friends, bars, school… there are so many ways to meet someone, but at the same time not really. I tried everything but nothing at the same time. After college I was super hurt from college boyfriends and I really wasn’t serious about finding someone. I thought I was, but I really wasn’t. My choices were reflecting that.
Being Utterly Single
I am really trying to be as vulnerable as I can here. Maybe you can learn something from our story.
There are a few movies that I can think of that came out during my time of utter singleness… How to Be Single came out on my 23 birthday. I love that movie, because it is so real about how scary it can be to be single, but how good it is when you are “single” in a growing, self-discovering way.
… That should be another blog post…
I also loved but hated La La Land. That movie messed me up so much. It still has me thinking… Can you love someone and let them go? Can you have your dream career goals and still have an awesome marriage?
One time when I was working with a producer in radio he was surprised to hear I wanted to be married. It was a super interesting conversation. Yes, I am mega independent, however, I knew I wanted a partner. I didn’t need one, but I truly desired one. And that’s not bad. I was also content exploring who I was. When the producer asked me this question I was working in radio part time, starting my fashion blog and living with my parents. Finding out who I was. However, I did not shut out the possibility of meeting someone. Looking back, the real problem was that I totally wasn’t ready.
Starting to Hope Again
I had a mentor tell me about how his son met his wife, my mentor’s daughter-in-law. He told me his son remembers the first time seeing his wife. They were childhood friends so they knew each other when they were super young. He never really dated anyone else. He just knew. Their story really stuck out to me. I felt like I had really sold myself short in dating the way I did. I wanted someone who knew and I knew that we were supposed to be together. I didn’t totally believe in love at first sight because honestly that is just stupid. However, I do think there is something amazing about when two people fall in love. I really do think it is a miracle only God himself can create. I started praying for that kind of love.
Well, back up. I went on a dating app Coffee Meets Bagel… Super great dating app. I had been talking to a few guys on there. It was June 2017 I received a message from Johnathon Miller. I looked at the picture and thought he looked familiar. He was from my college. We started talking and immediately I felt like I was talking to an old friend. He was still in college where I had been out like for three years so I just assumed he was younger. He asked if I wanted to get coffee when he was back in Chicago. I said sure… When will that be exactly?
In January .
It Only Takes One
Hilarious. I remember laughing thinking that would never happen. Somehow he still got my number.
Essentially, I realized I had gotten to a point where I was done messing around. I would either be single, single or find someone I could see myself with. That’s when I met Ian. Super awesome photographer.
We dated and I decided to go all in. Try falling in love again. It actually was a really healing relationship. He just wasn’t for me. Well, let me rephrase that. I didn’t feel like he was that into me. Ok, let me try again. He wasn’t pursuing me in the way I needed him to. Like he didn’t know about me and I think that bled into how he treated me. Its totally ok, to be honest I really didn’t know either. I broke up with him after Thanksgiving 2017. I remember telling myself, its ok Hannah it only takes one and he wasn’t the one. You want someone who is all in like you are.
You Are Ready
I went out back to find my dad. He is always working on something in our backyard and if you want to talk to him you have to be cool with the fact that he may not stop working. It really was a sweet moment though, one that I will always remember. I remember talking to him about Ian and what went down. He looked at me and said, Hannah, I think you are ready to find the right guy. I think the next guy will be the right one. My dad is ALWAYS right… I learned that after 24 years of dating the wrong guys. My dad will always be dead on.
If you don’t have a dad in your life I would really really… Can’t emphasize this enough… Encourage you to find a dad figure. A man you can trust. A man who can speak into your life about the men you are dating. My dad isn’t perfect, however he does love me and I am truly thankful for our relationship.
The Right One
My John decided to text me on December 20th… A week before January started. I remember exactly where I was. I was in my parent’s driveway. I had come home for Christmas vacation. I remember smiling, amazed. That entire week we texted and I found out he went to school the same time I did and that we had all the same friends.
You know whats crazy. This story is. as I am typing it out I am realizing it more and more. I love our story.
When you know you really do know.
We got coffee January 2nd. He was such a sweetheart. Like what. I remember feeling like I was talking to one of my guy friends from college. My guy friends who smoked cigars with me and we played darts while talking about theology. John and I also grew up very similarly. Those two things made everything so easy for us. I immediately felt like I was at home with John.
In the past I didn’t like where I came from. I wanted the exact opposite. I realized this was because I didn’t feel like I fit in. Its ok to not fit into your past. Its accepting your future that really matters. If you don’t like where you came from make peace with your past so that you can move forward.
Later, John told me about when he first saw me. I was walking to hangout with my roommate three years ago. She was dating John’s close friend. I must have captivated him, because he never forgot. He asked his friend about me but found out I was dating someone at the time. When we matched on that app he called his college friend telling him, “You won’t believe who I matched with”…. So John knew me for three years and I had no idea he even existed. Whaattttt. I think at the moment John told me that I knew this was really going to work, because he knew.
Here are a few things that made me realize John was right for me:
- He remembered when he first saw me.
- John would continually say, “I don’t deserve to be with you”… instead of “Look at me I am the sh**t because I am with Hannah. Attitude is so important.
- He has not once put me down to make himself look bigger. That’s just not him.
- We have similar backgrounds. We both have a relationship with Jesus and that is so crucial for our relationship with each other.
- He is so kind. You always want a man who is kind to strangers. You really know a lot about a person with how they treat strangers. So watch how your man treats waitresses, desk workers and people you meet.
- My dad like loves John. Again, dad figures are so important in a girl’s life. Not that we can’t take care of ourselves, but because Dad figures naturally want to protect daughters. They also know men. I don’t know about you, but I do not have a clue about guys. Dads can give you biased advice. Get a dad figure in your life. I have like five. lolol
Guys John and I started dating a month after meeting, five months after dating we got engaged and after 100 days of being engaged, we are getting married. I cannot wait to be his partner, his wife, his best friend. I am seriously so excited. That’s our story and I really hope it brings you some kind of encouragement or at least gets you thinking. Don’t sell yourself short. Know.
The photos above are from when John proposed to me. It was such a special time. My friends were all there. They thought it would work to have me dress up thinking we were doing a photo shoot for The Full Color Life. Which I mean it did end up on this blog. I was so shocked by the ring I forgot to say yes! Haha below are some looks inspired from my outfit I got engaged in.